Friday, September 7, 2012

Why is all this so important?


Thanks to Post Oak parent Vikas Mittal for the following story from the summer:
 
Very late in college--graduate school--I realized that to be successful I needed to be organized. Making lists, having an organizer and a calendar all became part of my functioning as a graduate student and now as a professor. My daughter, Sukul (now 12 years old), has always bugged me for a nice planner. Why would a kid want that? Well I see now. She is on summer vacation--every morning she gets ready, writes in her planner what she has to do, and how she is going to accomplish it. Sometimes, we nag her--"Have you done your Cello?" or "When will you ...". Her answer: "I have it on my planner, and it will be done -----." 

Sukul likes cooking, and Indian culture like many  eastern cultures is centered on food. Rather than just cook, she explores--she is a food entrepreneur. When she cooks breakfast for the family, it has unusual garnishes. She likes to make coffee for me, but will ask me to try different garnishes--chocolate, vanilla, and yes even herbs. Many of them have turned out to have great taste, tastes that I would never explore on my own. That she can take risks, and not worry if the outcome is not always positive shows she will not hesitate to be creative.

Why is all this so important? I am a professor of business, and have a biased view informed by my own experiences. In my own career, I've observed now over hundreds of business students--undergrads, MBAs, and phDs--graduate, and can monitor their success prospectively. Typically, the ones who are successful are NOT the ones who are unusually smart or have the highest grades. Yes, they are academically successful. But they have a high level of organizational skills, social skills, and entrepreneurship--no fearing new things and failure.  Coupled with academic success these qualities make for lasting and enduring success. I've seen met smart CEOs, VPs, company presidents --- all successful by virtue of skills that cannot be captured in "grades" or "test scores."

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

"a public storm erupted"

"Movies, violence, and a parent's responsibility."  In the absence of shared values, we cannot rely on movie ratings systems to insulate our children from gratuitous and sadistic violence in movies and on tv.  (As my good friend and colleague Larry Schaefer has said, "We live in a toxic culture.")  So we parents need to excercise both judgement and will in determining what is acceptable "entertainment" for our children.

Monday, September 3, 2012

"Our current version of success is a failure"

"How to raise a child" -- a review of Madeline Levine's book Teach Your Children Well.

And in case you're interested in the allusion from the title, check out this performance.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Do schools believe that?


The fastest way to succeed is to double your failure rate."
--Thomas J. Watson, former CEO of IBM

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Good job?

An anthroplogist studying Waldorf schools looks for the secret to developing self-esteem.  Thank you for presenting one perspective and for making me think about this (Can you make me think?  Probably not.  How about provoke?  Or precipitate?  Or cause? Or encourage?  Language matters.  It conveys meaning and meta-meaning, the message and the message behind the message.)

I agree that "good job" is a poor form of praise.  Yes, praise, in general, inadvertently, unintentionally, and unavoidably traps the recipient in external motivation.  This is praise, the addictive drug.

"Thank you," according to EJ Sobo, expresses appreciation while avoiding the praise trap.  "Thank you."  Translation:  "I noticed you.  I noticed what you did.  I appreciate the help you gave.  I'm grateful to you." 

My favorite "thank you" story comes from Thich Nhat Hanh.  If someone says to you, "You have a beautiful smile," you'll be tempted to say, "thank you." 

That person is really saying "Your smile has made this moment better for me.  Thank you."  So your response should really be, "You're welcome."

The encounter reads like this:
"You have a beautiful smile."
"You're welcome."

Thursday, August 2, 2012

How to take NO for an answer

Here's a blog that's new to me:  The Genius in Children by Rick Ackerly.  Rick spoke at the recent retreat of the Montessori Administrators Association.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

"Nothing is as important as this moment"

50 ways to build emotionally healthy kids -- a blog entry from former Post Oak School counselor, Mary Jo Rapini.